How do I control my angry thoughts towards my fiance's family about our dog?
We’ve been in financial debt for months now, and recently had to move out of the home my parents lost to the bank when they finally caught up and gave a final date to move a few weeks ago. Life’s been hard. We can’t live together any longer because we didn’t save enough money for a down deposit to an apartment and my parents have a newly built trailer in a Senior Park and the age minimum is 55. I’m living with my brother and his wife until my baby is born any day now, and my fiance moved with our dog back to his aunt’s house. They share a three bedroom house that has her and her husband, 4 sons (somedays the two grandsons), and now my fiance living there. Space is SUPER tight. My fiance and his oldest cousin (with the two boys occasionally) share space in the garage in a tiny room, and the rest are crammed inside in the bedrooms. Our dog, Freebee is a one year old American Staff Mix and was used to being indoors 75% of the time when we lived in the previous house my parent’s lost. I have all the paperwork on him from our adoption from the ASPCA, and it specifically states how they are wonderful family pets and need daily exercise and do better indoors, and if outdoors, require space, like a lawn.
Well… his aunt and uncle are anti-pets (the exception of birds), and their sons actually enjoy them. I’ve told them how appreciative I am that they are helping us, and I really feel this way. But my question on here is because though I may show them this appreciation on the outside, on the inside I’m heartbroken for Freebee and tend to think VERY negatively and angrily towards them. I feel like it’s immature, but I can’t seem to grasp why people can be so heartless to animals. My whole life I was raised in a family that loves pets, and recently lost my 13 year old female dog to breast cancer in January this year- a loss that broke my heart the hardest in all my life. She was my best friend and more than just a dog. She would share my bed at night since I was 10 years old, I cared for her, loved her, and treated her like a member of the family. I feel the same for Freebee, but more as a son with fur :)
Unfortunately, they think it’s dirty to touch him, and feel the need to inform their sons to scrub their hands anytime this happens. The aunt and uncle refuse to touch him or even acknowledge him, have put an absolute ban on the dog going indoors EVER, and they first required Freebee to be tied to a poll 24/7 outside on the side of the house with a LEASH until he chewed threw it and got free. Thankfully the uncle came forward and him and my fiance built a pen for Freebee that’s nearly 7x7ft. that he is locked in all day and night unless my fiance takes him out for a walk or to play briefly. This encagement has made Freebee learn to cry early in the morning’s, whining for someone to pay attention to him, and now he’s started chewing the wood door (my thoughts are because he wants freedom like he had with us before).
My fiance is very uptight about letting him wander more than 5 ft from the pen if he’s tending to his water/food or cleaning the poop up, because he says it’s not his house and he doesn’t pay rent. He gets mad at me for "not understanding this" (though I do), but I can’t help but feel irritated that Freebee no longer can be the dog we used to have around. I feel such pressure to get a place of our own ASAP, because I’m so fed up with how he must live if my fiance stays there. I can’t seem to grasp how people can’t careless about pets…
I know, this may sound immature of me, and I may just be speaking from raging pregnancy hormones since I’m due any day now, but I had to vent somewhere, and since my fiance doesn’t understand my feelings for our pup, I have no where else to turn. I want to be able to control my feelings towards his aunt and uncle and how they view pets, because I’ve never been in a situation with any of my pets before that concern people who are so anti-pets and it’s breaking my heart seeing Freebee caged up all day long and night and hearing him cry from the street before I see him. My fiance feels terrible, too, but has the responsibility of controlling Freebee and tries to justify how his family feels with the fact that they are helping him and we need to respect their house. I have no problem with his, but my internal feelings give me such negative views on his aunt and uncle, and I want to know how I can surpress those feelings.
Catkeypurr & Kaponers: Screw you anyhow. Not only did I state he’s like son to me- obviously he means so much to me, but you are quick to judge. I did the research. He’s NOT a pitbull. Do yourself a favor and check your resources as well. As for get a job- tell that to my future baby. I’m trying to get a job from home so I can be there for it growing up! Don’t tell me how to parent. And getting a place of our own- what the f*ck do you think we’re trying to do!? That’s why we are separate- we are putting away money to come back together. My brother did it as well before he got married- it’s the price you pay when you aren’t financially indowed! And the reasons I have a dog and child during financial burden is of NO concern to you. It relates to NOTHING in my question, and only plays a key role as information to help readers understand how I feel about my dog. I guess you missed the part where I concluded I AM grateful that they help us. Instead of being a b*tch learn understanding first
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8 comments
Annie on July 29, 2010 at 3:06 pm
I feel so bad for you — you are in a terrible situation and when you have your baby it’s going to be worse — they will fuss that the dog shouldn’t be near the baby, tell you your a bad parent, etc.
I got this nonsense with two gentle older dogs when I had my first baby. I was living with my husband on our own so I could tell the family members spewing this crap (and they liked dogs ok, ironically) to go pound sand, in a polite way of course.
You don’t have this option. That’s what’s so frustrating. To help you get ahead, if you are in the US I bet you can get WIC (Women, Infants and children) — this will help with the food bill for you and the baby. The sooner you all can get enough money together to get a small place of your own, the better. Have you looked at trailer parks? Although they have a bad reputation, I know people who have lived happily in a trailer park for years. Also, have you considered a campground? From using these while traveling, there are people who live there year round. Also I would inquire at local boarding kennels and some privately run animal shelters — they generally have someone live on the grounds (they provide the house) in exchange for night watchman duties and the like. They wouldn’t mind your dog! Another source is place a note on the showdog-l list — many show kennels need kennel help and good help is hard to come by. Generally a live in agreement (you get a place to stay) in exchange for helping with the dogs is the deal. I did this myself for awhile, but then was sadly disappointed that the person didn’t do their (very minimal) tasks and didn’t give notice when they were going to be away. If you are reliable, you might well be a very cherished staff member and have a place for your family – including your precious dog – to live. It’s worth a try!!
♥*gaga's monster*♥ on July 29, 2010 at 3:06 pm
sorry to long
Jordz on July 29, 2010 at 3:06 pm
Oh poor baby i no how you feel about your furry son lol i also hava am staff cross rottweiler and his inside most of the time and i love him dearly hopefully you guys get a place soon so he can be free again… i cant stand ppl that don’t like dogs or dont acknolage them poor baby has to be caged im so sorry you have to go through this hopefully it all works out :)
MamaBas on July 29, 2010 at 3:06 pm
Having sort of waded through all that, my advice would be unless you can see any point in the future when you will be able to get back together, and set up home together, bringing your dog back with you, I’d probably have to consider getting him back to the ASPCA. I do have concerns about that because he’s an Am Staff mix, and Shelters (in the UK at any rate) are full of this sort of dog which might make rehoming him difficult. It depends on how well he’s adjusting to what is his new life to be honest. And I’d be concerned that your fiance doesn’t seem to be taking things in hand, even if building him a proper pen, so he doesn’t have to be chained up, is good! Surely it wouldn’t be too much for him to at least give him the daily exercise any dog should have?
If you are pregnant, and about to deliver – you are bound to have feelings that you perhaps won’t have, after the birth! Good luck with that – and get this fiance of yours to do his bit, with your dog!!
Kaponers on July 29, 2010 at 3:06 pm
it must be the pregnancy hormones … you sound immature and selfish … his family is allowing your fiance and dog, which they do not like but still took in, and you are whining about how the dog is treated … get a life, get a job, get your own home, and get out of the dreamworld you will find any suitable housing with a pitbull … the reality is you shouldn’t even have a dog … how will you be able to afford a child and a dog if you can’t even pay for an apartment ??? are you 12 ??? if you were thinking about the dog and not your own selfish needs you would have found him a better home and not put him through having to be kept in an outdoor pen when used to being an inside dog ??? selfish !!! poor baby too, what a pair you and your fiance make … i hate pitbulls but i sure as hell have more compassion for the animal than you do
Catkeypurr on July 29, 2010 at 3:06 pm
I worked very hard to get through your post & I think I have the basic idea.
The only people you have to blame for you & the dog being in this situation is yourselves. If you aren’t happy with the in- laws rules you could take the dog with you. TO YOUR BROTHER’S.
Seeing that the in laws don’t even like dogs it’s downright hospitable of them to even let the dog stay, too. You should work very hard at feeling grateful.
As long as the dog is safe & has his needs met all is well for awhile. It’s up to your bf to make sure the dog has shelter & gets plenty of exercise. He needs to take him for several long walks or runs every day.
Add:
OMG!
Your question is (& I quote), "How do I control my angry thoughts towards my fiance’s family about our dog?" not, "Will you please sympathize with me, tell me it’s not my fault & I’m doing everything right & these people are horrible."
That must be what you wanted.
My answer was basically: a suggestion on how you & he can do the best you can by the dog in the current situation, to focus on the things you have to be grateful to them for & to quit blaming anyone else for the way things are- for you OR the dog.
THAT’S how you get the angry thoughts under control!!!
Your anger & frustration are being directed towards the wrong people. They could have said they weren’t allowing the dog at all!
Marilyn G. on July 29, 2010 at 3:06 pm
Really, you did the research? Where? An American Stafford is a Pit Bull! It is all just a question of semantics! That said, I am really sorry about your circumstances which can happen to anybody in todays economy. You say you are living with your brother until your baby is born, which will be any day now. Where are you going to live after that? I assume since the dog is not living with you now it is not okay with your brother for the dog to be there. I do not say the following easily, as I also know just how much a person can love a dog, but, Hon, under your present circumstances, with a baby on the way, and all the responsibility that brings, perhaps it would be best to give your dog to a no kill shelter so that he can be placed in a better home. If a no kill shelter will not take him, contact a Pit Bull rescue organization. I wish you the best of luck. Sometimes in life because of circumstances beyond our control we are forced to make some very hard decisions. I do not envy you yours to make right now, but if you love the dog, as I am sure you do, please make the right decision for the dog, not for how you feel, please.
anne b on July 29, 2010 at 3:06 pm
While I can sympathize with your financial situation, nowhere in your post do I read anything about going out and exercising your dog. if you are currently unemployed and trying to find a job from home, you are HOME. Take a leash out and walk your dog. That will stop the horrible situation with him being locked up 24/7. Pretty simple.
As far as feeling angry with your relatives, you really should be thankful that they put a roof over your head and are supporting you. You are an adult (I assume), and it was your choice to get a dog and get pregnant. Both sound like not the best decisions, in your financial situation, and now you have to suffer through the consequences of your own choices. No one can bear that burden but you. That is what being an adult is.
You may think we are rude, but most of us have been in some kind of difficulty in our past, or may even be so presently. We just planned better. You can’t live life by the seat of your pants. It seldom works out. Get a plan and execute it. And if you can’t care for the dog, you need to give him up. Being selfish about how you need your dog does nothing for your dog.